Personal Rant

Anyone that reads this can call me an overreacting psychopath with depression problems, but I really don't care. This has been in my system since 3rd grade and it's about time I let it out.

It irritates me to NO END that every single time - EVERY SINGLE TIME I like a guy, I get the inevitable feeling that he doesn't like me back. Heck, I've gotten feelings that the guy I like hates me at times. I don't care if this is true or not, but I'm tired of it. Any gentleman trained right should give any girl that likes him a chance just to be a mature gentleman about it. "I like someone else" or "I don't like you like that" or "we're just friends" are NEVER valid excuses because if one of you likes the other than there's a chance that the other could like you back! (Unless of course it's physical attraction, but if it's romantic attraction by personality and not physical appearance then, yes) and plus if you're friends already, then that obviously means that it would work out to some degree, unless you ACTUALLY GO OUT for a while and realize that, yeah, you guys aren't meant for each other and you're better off as best friends or something of the matter but YOU NEVER KNOW UNTIL YOU ACTUALLY GO OUT WITH THE PERSON, so stupid guys that have ever used those three excuses against me fail.

Also, superficial airheads irritate me to no end. YOU DO NOT LOVE A GUY/GIRL JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL/PRETTY/GORGEOUS/FINE/HOT GUY/GIRL YOU HAVE EVER SEEN. Someone COULD be the most gorgeous person in the world, but they could be a total psychopathic murderer! A guy could be extremely gorgeous but he could be a total JERK! and on the opposite side, a guy could be extremely fat, ugly, and bald but he could still be really sweet, funny, and lovable! A girl could be ugly, fat, flat-chested, and just downright HIDEOUS and she could still be the nicest and smartest girl you ever meet! But, you know what, evidently nobody cares about your personality any more because every time I say, "Yeah, I like someone" to a girl, the first thing he asks is, "ooh, is he cute?" Naturally at this point in time I will respond by either laughing as hard as I possibly can or with a big fat "no". HONESTLY. "Love at first sight" is total and complete crap and a convenient excuse not to think. "Love at first meeting" is total crap too. "ATTRACTION at first sight" and "ATTRACTION at first meeting" ARE real and proof that you HAVE thought about that person if you're just ATTRACTED to them and you're not actually IN LOVE with them.

and you know what? Evidently there's something wrong with my outward appearance AND my inside personality, because I have above average sized breasts and a tiny waist - a perfect hourglass shape - and I've NEVER had a date/boyfriend NOR have I EVER had a guy like me (to my knowledge, at least) - this probably being because I don't like dressing like a girl because GIRL CLOTHING IS TOO TIGHT FOR MY TASTES, I'M SORRY. I much rather prefer a t-shirt that's comfy to sleep in over a tight, skimpy top that I wore just to get a guy to look at my cleavage and drool over it. And since I get the inevitable feeling that NOBODY likes me, there must be something wrong with my personality! I know, I know - I have a tendency to be violent and vulgar...but, really, I'm really nice and I'm very religious...I'm not really like that. It's really just something I adopted to...I guess hide my feelings and try to fit in. Never worked, really. I'm going to try and change the vulgar/violent side that I adopted...so I can try to be nicer and everything...If you haven't noticed, as opposed to my other rants - I haven't cursed once in this, and I won't for the rest of the rant, however long it may be.

And back onto the superficial people that I have already stated that I hate, EVIDENTLY if you're a girl that doesn't dress like a girl, you're a lesbian! I REALLY HATE THAT. JUST BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE EVERY OTHER SUPERFICIAL GIRL IN THE WORLD DOESN'T MEAN I'M A LESBIAN! JUST BECAUSE I'VE SPENT MY ENTIRE LIFE HANGING OUT WITH GUYS BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT SUPERFICIAL AIRHEADS LIKE THE MAJORITY OF THE FEMALE POPULATION ARE AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO ACT GIRLY NOR SPEAK GIRLY DOESN'T MEAN I'M A LESBIAN. I believe I am currently crushing on a BOY at the moment AND I CAN give you HIS name (which I will probably end up doing by the end of this rant anyway) just to PROVE it to you.

Honestly, I don't get some logic. Why would a guy like a girl that acts like every other girl in the world? That doesn't make her anything special! If she's like every other girl in the world, then that makes every other girl in the world special to you! Not just her! Why don't you pick a girl who stands out? Pick a girl who exiles herself from every other girl because she's different? Pick a girl who would choose a t-shirt, jeans, and a messenger bag over a tight shirt, tight pants that give her a wedgie, and a purse that cost over $100? SERIOUSLY, IT'S NOT HOW THEY LOOK, IT'S WHO THEY ARE! And in my own personal taste, instead of picking a football player (because from my own personal experience I have it in my head that all football players are JERKS), pick a guy who's like...on the debate team or something! I'd rather have an ugly guy who's smart over a cute guy that's stupid. Really.

and you REALLY SHOULDN'T CARE WHAT EVERYBODY ELSE THINKS. I really cared too much about this until I actually listened to the guy that I currently like vent and describe fitting in as a "never ending initiation ceremony" and really, that's what it is. You should just be who you are! Be who you are and you'll know that if someone loves you, they love you for who you are! If someone hates you, they'll hate you for who you are! I'd much rather be hated for who I am than loved for something I'm not! But the fact of the matter is; EVERYONE IN MY SCHOOL IS A SUPERFICIAL AIRHEAD AND DOESN'T KNOW ME AND THEREFORE HATES ME BASED ON MY APPEARANCE!

and just as PROOF that I'm not superficial like the rest of the world, I like a guy on my High School Debate Team named Kyle, and I REALLY DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS NOW, because it's only proof that I'm not a superficial airhead and that I actually like a guy for his personality. LEGASP, IT ACTUALLY HAPPENS!

Well that gets rid of everything I've wanted to curl into a corner and cry about for the past 7 years so I feel good.

Oh, and if the guy that I mentioned above is reading this...I'm...really sorry about every rude/mean/vulgar thing I've EVER said to you, because I obviously take it back now...